Some Shizzle For You Mofos

Hotel De Puerta car park in the US.

From ITALIAN brand Too Late - Kool As Fcuk.

Who says the digital watch is dead? -  Not G-Shock Japan.

                                     

The Magazine Stool - A nice idea. An even better one if your into the possibilities of 'The Wanking Chair.'

Air Jordan III - Stealth. I would get a great week out of these,

http://blog.fuct.com/larry-smith-for-ssdd-fuct/ Someone buy me this my wallet is wrecked man,

                                                                   Pure want to watch this.

                                                                We all like graffiti now anywayz.

 Bearbrick Series. You know I like toyz. cos im a boi innit.

Shaghai Museum of Glass

Hans Gruber - Freedom Fighter

In Die Hard, Hans Gruber was depicted as an extremist terrorist. In reality, Hans was fighting the oppressive dictatorship being imposed on the employees by the conglomerate companies of Nakatomi Plaza. For example, did you know the oil-spill, 2012 and Libya were all as a result of opulent business deals that occurred within the Nakatomi Industrial Park?? Here's Hans above, being made to look sinister yet in reality, he is keenly observing the financial exploitation and employee degradation and begins to form a plan. He is a keen observer and has a subscription to TIME magazine.

In the midst of the Nakatomi crisis, Hans keenly observes another misjustice. John MacLean and his wife are separated. This is (probably) because she is an adulterous slut. As a righteous man and in the interests of traditional justice, Hans confronts the cheating whore and presents her to the wronged party.


                                      

Bruce Willis was not manly enough to confront her himself, that is why he is trying to win her back by asking her to re-watch 'The Whole Ten Yards', a ploy that was doomed to fail from the beginning. Hans was merely trying to resolve the situation and in-turn allow this smarmy cunt to win back some man points. Hans also put on a perfect American accent to facilitate the dialogue between the two men.
Hans Gruber: You an American?

John McClane: Only if New Jersey counts. 

Despite creating a wonderful, homely and acceptable facade to ease communication, John Maclean's mislead mind would know no bounds...

Not content with establishing human rights standards within the Nakatomi building, Hans goes on a global mission to free fellow freedom believers and make this world safer for you. And for me.

"The following people are to be released from their captors : In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec... In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement."

When being unfairly attacked by John MacLean in an effort to win back his disloyal slut, Hans asked one of his loyal soldiers (a father of two, one of whom is afflicted with a cleft-palate) to perform a task. This simple command would go on to be the reputed greatest line ever to be uttered in cinema history. Critics and fans alike consistently laud Hans for his delivery which combined grace with urgence, passion with integrity, German with English. "schief auf das fenster." Yes, its poetic brilliance is timeless and its importance in modern culture is vital to solving many of the world's problems. Despite the fact that this line was cleanly delivered in perfect German, to what many describe as a consummate Aryan...........

He was so baffled, so floored, so mesemerised by the sheer art that Hans had vocalised, he could only wish to hear it one more time. He had to reassure his ears they were not playing tricks on him, assure himself this was not a poet's dream. Hans obliged, only this time, smoothly delivering the same line in a totally foreign language to this German patriot, in English. "Shoot the Glass." Upon hearing what he must only have recognised as mumbo-jumbo as it was no longer delivered in his native tongue, the original sentence in German finally sank in, and he performed the righteous will of Hans Gruber, and spat round after round of high calibre bullets into a glass partition, in the most moving piece of visual art ever conceived.

Hans Gruber: "When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." The benefits of a classical education. "

Hans used his education and the opportunites presented to him, to steal from the rich and give to the poor. A real-life Robin Hood, a real-life superhero. You may recognise posters like the one above from any house you have ever entered, now you understand its political relevance, cultural significance and social importance.

Like all truly great iconic heroes, Hans was brutally martyred. This scene was later beautifully parodied and displayed in such a manner so that children everywhere could also understand the sacrifice Hans made....

Posters such as these have appeared all over the globe and Hans has now become a global role-model for humanity. His image is seared on our hearts and minds as it is many items of merchandise, with all profits going to the re-industrialisation of the Rhineland. May John MacLean forever hang his head knowing it was he that did not let Hans smell the flowers of adulation whilst he was alive to appreciate them.

This tattoo is my own and I post it here to display to all of you how I carry him with me. Many carry photos, souvenirs, keychains, necklaces, bracelets, rings all emblazoned with the image of Hans Gruber, but that's not enough for me. Having his structured, classically handsome, character-etched face directly imprinted onto my skin now and forever, confirms me instantly to be a believer in freedom and hater of oppression. Hans, you are with me wherever I go.

Update Bitchez

So I have been late to update the blog largely because I have convinced myself I have no commitments to run from. Well, its time to placate the fanz and as you all know, I am a people-person.

Last Friday I was fortunate enough to meet Kevin Nash, aliases: Big Daddy Cool, Big Sexy, Diesel or a less successful character, Vinnie Vegas. He was a founding member of the NWO and the core of the Wolfpac. For those of you who have a burgeoning interest in now-defunkt wrestling companies (you most likely don't, congratulations), then this is a massive moment.

Left to Right: Jackie, Rundle, Big Sexy, Gdawg, T.

I'm sure your lives are richer for knowing that.

Everyone is going to see 'The Hangover 2' because people follow big-budget movies like they are the parents in the Power Rangers movie following Ooze off the edge of a cliff. It'll obviously be terrible and I hope not to be dragged into breaking my self-imposed cinema drought by going. I self-impose many restrictions on myself and consequently engage in obscure and pointless mental battles most days. Films, social etiquette, brands, food, women....Nothing is outwith my unique, oppressive sense of judgement.

Headed down to London with Jackie to see the man, the myth, the legend Jerry Seinfeld. I am actually bursting to be in the vicinity of this man like an 80's schoolgirl with Jason Donovan (REFERENCE!). The 'Seinfeld' show is clearly the greatest sitcom of all time and if you disagree then not only are you culturally misinformed but also an AIDS victim. Its influence has spread to almost every comedy ever since and Jerry Seinfeld turned down 10 million dollars and episode to return to stand up. Cannot wait to see him with my equally obsessed comrade, the famous Jackie Polo. Thanks for the ticket..!

Post-Seinfeld I will finally see @jacksonloganq and @zazazizi's pad and crash with them for a few days. I am equally bursting for some crazy times with my old amigos and @jacksonloganq is now an official G in London town and is going to show me the ropes and we will proceed to do what we do best.

BEEN WATCHING....Made in Chelsea. Spencer is boss, Francis is a badass waiting to happen, and Mark-Francis is me sans inhibitions. So far anyways. Many say its set-up, unrealistic and a cringeworthy indictment of British society. Which is true.

Game of Thrones has practically already cemented itself as one of the greatest TV shows of all time. But you get how I feel about Sean Bean.

Geordie Shore got off to a great start. The lads are great entertainment. The girls are geordie slags. Newcastle is like Glasgow but worse, which basically equates it to...

Speaking of which, Jersey Shore are filming in the old country, already heard some trouble emanating and look forward to it immensely. Speaking of which, I have drank solidly for ten days, and worked 5 of them. I have collected a few bizarre stories along the way. Need to curb the drinking and still plan to give it up for a year (A great example of a self-imposed battle).

I haven't GTL'd though and its deeply affected my confidence. Of course that is not true, but I still need to get my ass in the gym. No point in being born tanned and not using it. If your not rich, be hott....you know what 'philosopher' said that?

Macho gone....a nigga dead

'Macho Man' Randy Savage AKA Randy Mario Poffo - November 15, 1952 - May 20, 2011

Never Another. Thanks, Macho.

The MANY amazing faces of Sean Bean

That's Sean having a casual grin. You can see he's jovial, relaxed, friendly and just up for a laugh. Great 90's chic here from Sean.

This is Sean Bean smiling with long hair. He's showing he's not only a nice guy, but also multi-talented. He is also transcending generations as this picture was taken post-millenium.

      Something has caught Sean's eye, whilst he wears a casual sweater. His fashion style is really eclectic.

   But he's not afraid to take up arms for South Yorkshire. He is a regional hero.

 Has something caught your eye again Sean? In a casual sweater?

He's also a loving father of two kids. Sean has been married and divorced four times. In fact, there was allegations that he physically abused his fourth wife Georiga Sutcliffe. But we're not getting into that. That's not what this is about.

Would this man beat his wife? Of course, not. She is a liar (that's libellus). Myself and the rest of Hollywood are on your side Sean. That woman wouldn't even give you SIX MINUTES of peace. If you did do it Sean, she probably deserved it. No one woman could satisfy a complex, talented genius like you. They just don't understand you like I do.

Here's Sean in his starring role, 'Sharpe.' This costume drama set Sean apart from his contemporaries and showed that when 'Game of Thrones' was going to be made, Sean could handle playing a rugged, tough guy with a heart of gold in times gone by.

Sean's amazingly accurate portrayal of the real-life spy turned traitor Alec Trevelyan in the James Bond film 'Goldeneye' (which is genuinely one of the greatest films ever) was his best ever role. He ACTUALLY shot half his face off for the role, but thanks to technology invented in the Nicholas Cage/John Travolta thriller 'Face-Off', he was able to rectify the damage so he could look noble again for 'Lord of the Rings.' Which may have lead to his casting in....

'Game of Thrones' is a phenomenon. It's got a drunken midget, a medieval-fantasy setting, violence, sex, warring factions and standing astride them, the greatest Briton of this or any other generation, Sean Bean. It's the new 'Sopranos', so get in on the ground floor. Once again, you are learning how to stay on the cutting edge through my preaching. This show is more than just a typical fantasy show starring Sean Bean (though that would been terrific too), it's legit a great, big-budget drama on HBO. HBO is good and if you do not know that then click off this blog and go back to watching 'The Big Bang Theory'. 'Thrones' was picked up for a second season after the premiere episode of the first season received great reviews, immeasurable viewing figures and my personal approval.

Thanks Sean, for everything.

   

 This post was paid for and approved by General Arkady Ourumov.

(This is the best blog of all time)

T, what's with the fairly consistent updates?

Good question and I am glad you asked. I am supposed to be studying for my exams so ANYTHING else is unfathomably entertaining.

"Yo, T.I. King, how did your exam go last Tuesday?"

I didn't go is the answer, and I'm fairly sure that armed with my doctor's note at a paltry £15, I will get away with it.

So let's see what happens tomorrow. I mean I have the latest episode of 'Game of Thrones' waiting for me when I go home. I literally cannot wait. I think I will be doing an editorial on how great Sean Bean is quite soon.

The Mortal Kombat: Legacy shorts on Youtube have been thoroughly entertaining for anyone who played that game on the SNES when they were three. However, the latest one highlighting Johnny Cage was piss poor, and I hope it's merely a blimp as the first two were bitchin'.


MIND I told you me and some select friends were coming up with Rangers FC movie titles for no apparent reason, I have decided to make THIS online record of them thus far: The Prodfather, James Prod in Dr. No Surrender, Laudrup and Let Die, Hun Fu Hustle, Aprodilipse Now, James and Giant Prod, Assault on Lodge 13, No Coisty For Old Men, A Clockwork Orange, Kill Bill-y, Butch and Hundance, Trainsprodding, Ben-Hun, Die Hadj, Fiddler on the Diouf, Gersy Shore, Hun Dine With Me, Curb Your Sectarianism, Miss Confenianality, King of The Bill, The Loyal Family, The Bears Ultimatum, Runaway Durie, Morecambe and Weiss, Drag Me To El, Al Gore: An Inconfeniant Truth, City of Prod, 3rd Rock From The Hun, Bend It Like Fleck-ham, The Way We Weir, Reyna-Man, The Van Bronckhorst Whisperer, The Matrickson, Being John Greigovich, Mortal Kombat: Hunihilation, This is Cleland, Game of Therns, Jorg of the Jungle, Planet of the Papes, Mason and the Argonauts, Much Edu About Nothing, Bob Malcolm X, Broad-Footloose, Greigsy Malone, 10 Things I Hately About You, Get Petric or Die Trying, Vidmars Attacks, Cooperman, Frost/Ricksen, Diouf, Who Stole My Car, Sweeney Dodds, One Flo Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Star Wars: A New Pope, Revenge of the Smith, McCall of Duty, Tess of D'Archevilles, Devil's Advocaat and many, many more to come.

Bruce Springsteen

Whoa Whoa Whoa, who sneaked that picture of Yeezy in? It was me. There's so much love in this post.

Even More Kool Shizzle

Will leopard-print ever die?

One day I'm gonna have fuckin powerful watch collection.

Virigl Cap Opie Folk boots. I want a pair of old boots. I'd never take them off.

I'm rockin a straw-hat this summer. It will annoy many, and please me greatly.

Cobra Snake and BOY team up to make this eerily Nazi-evocative T. I likes it though, because all MEN think cobra's are badass, and love Germany.

Some interesting furniture. No reason for things to be dull.

The Hundreds are advertising their all blue sunglasses. That's the sunglasses, you can't buy the woman you idiots (course you can).

OH......MY.....GOD. Mr. Louboutin. You know I need these. Need. I am needy. For shoes. With shiny on them.