Update Bitchez

So I have been late to update the blog largely because I have convinced myself I have no commitments to run from. Well, its time to placate the fanz and as you all know, I am a people-person.

Last Friday I was fortunate enough to meet Kevin Nash, aliases: Big Daddy Cool, Big Sexy, Diesel or a less successful character, Vinnie Vegas. He was a founding member of the NWO and the core of the Wolfpac. For those of you who have a burgeoning interest in now-defunkt wrestling companies (you most likely don't, congratulations), then this is a massive moment.

Left to Right: Jackie, Rundle, Big Sexy, Gdawg, T.

I'm sure your lives are richer for knowing that.

Everyone is going to see 'The Hangover 2' because people follow big-budget movies like they are the parents in the Power Rangers movie following Ooze off the edge of a cliff. It'll obviously be terrible and I hope not to be dragged into breaking my self-imposed cinema drought by going. I self-impose many restrictions on myself and consequently engage in obscure and pointless mental battles most days. Films, social etiquette, brands, food, women....Nothing is outwith my unique, oppressive sense of judgement.

Headed down to London with Jackie to see the man, the myth, the legend Jerry Seinfeld. I am actually bursting to be in the vicinity of this man like an 80's schoolgirl with Jason Donovan (REFERENCE!). The 'Seinfeld' show is clearly the greatest sitcom of all time and if you disagree then not only are you culturally misinformed but also an AIDS victim. Its influence has spread to almost every comedy ever since and Jerry Seinfeld turned down 10 million dollars and episode to return to stand up. Cannot wait to see him with my equally obsessed comrade, the famous Jackie Polo. Thanks for the ticket..!

Post-Seinfeld I will finally see @jacksonloganq and @zazazizi's pad and crash with them for a few days. I am equally bursting for some crazy times with my old amigos and @jacksonloganq is now an official G in London town and is going to show me the ropes and we will proceed to do what we do best.

BEEN WATCHING....Made in Chelsea. Spencer is boss, Francis is a badass waiting to happen, and Mark-Francis is me sans inhibitions. So far anyways. Many say its set-up, unrealistic and a cringeworthy indictment of British society. Which is true.

Game of Thrones has practically already cemented itself as one of the greatest TV shows of all time. But you get how I feel about Sean Bean.

Geordie Shore got off to a great start. The lads are great entertainment. The girls are geordie slags. Newcastle is like Glasgow but worse, which basically equates it to...

Speaking of which, Jersey Shore are filming in the old country, already heard some trouble emanating and look forward to it immensely. Speaking of which, I have drank solidly for ten days, and worked 5 of them. I have collected a few bizarre stories along the way. Need to curb the drinking and still plan to give it up for a year (A great example of a self-imposed battle).

I haven't GTL'd though and its deeply affected my confidence. Of course that is not true, but I still need to get my ass in the gym. No point in being born tanned and not using it. If your not rich, be hott....you know what 'philosopher' said that?

Macho gone....a nigga dead

'Macho Man' Randy Savage AKA Randy Mario Poffo - November 15, 1952 - May 20, 2011

Never Another. Thanks, Macho.

The MANY amazing faces of Sean Bean

That's Sean having a casual grin. You can see he's jovial, relaxed, friendly and just up for a laugh. Great 90's chic here from Sean.

This is Sean Bean smiling with long hair. He's showing he's not only a nice guy, but also multi-talented. He is also transcending generations as this picture was taken post-millenium.

      Something has caught Sean's eye, whilst he wears a casual sweater. His fashion style is really eclectic.

   But he's not afraid to take up arms for South Yorkshire. He is a regional hero.

 Has something caught your eye again Sean? In a casual sweater?

He's also a loving father of two kids. Sean has been married and divorced four times. In fact, there was allegations that he physically abused his fourth wife Georiga Sutcliffe. But we're not getting into that. That's not what this is about.

Would this man beat his wife? Of course, not. She is a liar (that's libellus). Myself and the rest of Hollywood are on your side Sean. That woman wouldn't even give you SIX MINUTES of peace. If you did do it Sean, she probably deserved it. No one woman could satisfy a complex, talented genius like you. They just don't understand you like I do.

Here's Sean in his starring role, 'Sharpe.' This costume drama set Sean apart from his contemporaries and showed that when 'Game of Thrones' was going to be made, Sean could handle playing a rugged, tough guy with a heart of gold in times gone by.

Sean's amazingly accurate portrayal of the real-life spy turned traitor Alec Trevelyan in the James Bond film 'Goldeneye' (which is genuinely one of the greatest films ever) was his best ever role. He ACTUALLY shot half his face off for the role, but thanks to technology invented in the Nicholas Cage/John Travolta thriller 'Face-Off', he was able to rectify the damage so he could look noble again for 'Lord of the Rings.' Which may have lead to his casting in....

'Game of Thrones' is a phenomenon. It's got a drunken midget, a medieval-fantasy setting, violence, sex, warring factions and standing astride them, the greatest Briton of this or any other generation, Sean Bean. It's the new 'Sopranos', so get in on the ground floor. Once again, you are learning how to stay on the cutting edge through my preaching. This show is more than just a typical fantasy show starring Sean Bean (though that would been terrific too), it's legit a great, big-budget drama on HBO. HBO is good and if you do not know that then click off this blog and go back to watching 'The Big Bang Theory'. 'Thrones' was picked up for a second season after the premiere episode of the first season received great reviews, immeasurable viewing figures and my personal approval.

Thanks Sean, for everything.

   

 This post was paid for and approved by General Arkady Ourumov.

(This is the best blog of all time)

T, what's with the fairly consistent updates?

Good question and I am glad you asked. I am supposed to be studying for my exams so ANYTHING else is unfathomably entertaining.

"Yo, T.I. King, how did your exam go last Tuesday?"

I didn't go is the answer, and I'm fairly sure that armed with my doctor's note at a paltry £15, I will get away with it.

So let's see what happens tomorrow. I mean I have the latest episode of 'Game of Thrones' waiting for me when I go home. I literally cannot wait. I think I will be doing an editorial on how great Sean Bean is quite soon.

The Mortal Kombat: Legacy shorts on Youtube have been thoroughly entertaining for anyone who played that game on the SNES when they were three. However, the latest one highlighting Johnny Cage was piss poor, and I hope it's merely a blimp as the first two were bitchin'.


MIND I told you me and some select friends were coming up with Rangers FC movie titles for no apparent reason, I have decided to make THIS online record of them thus far: The Prodfather, James Prod in Dr. No Surrender, Laudrup and Let Die, Hun Fu Hustle, Aprodilipse Now, James and Giant Prod, Assault on Lodge 13, No Coisty For Old Men, A Clockwork Orange, Kill Bill-y, Butch and Hundance, Trainsprodding, Ben-Hun, Die Hadj, Fiddler on the Diouf, Gersy Shore, Hun Dine With Me, Curb Your Sectarianism, Miss Confenianality, King of The Bill, The Loyal Family, The Bears Ultimatum, Runaway Durie, Morecambe and Weiss, Drag Me To El, Al Gore: An Inconfeniant Truth, City of Prod, 3rd Rock From The Hun, Bend It Like Fleck-ham, The Way We Weir, Reyna-Man, The Van Bronckhorst Whisperer, The Matrickson, Being John Greigovich, Mortal Kombat: Hunihilation, This is Cleland, Game of Therns, Jorg of the Jungle, Planet of the Papes, Mason and the Argonauts, Much Edu About Nothing, Bob Malcolm X, Broad-Footloose, Greigsy Malone, 10 Things I Hately About You, Get Petric or Die Trying, Vidmars Attacks, Cooperman, Frost/Ricksen, Diouf, Who Stole My Car, Sweeney Dodds, One Flo Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Star Wars: A New Pope, Revenge of the Smith, McCall of Duty, Tess of D'Archevilles, Devil's Advocaat and many, many more to come.

Bruce Springsteen

Whoa Whoa Whoa, who sneaked that picture of Yeezy in? It was me. There's so much love in this post.

Even More Kool Shizzle

Will leopard-print ever die?

One day I'm gonna have fuckin powerful watch collection.

Virigl Cap Opie Folk boots. I want a pair of old boots. I'd never take them off.

I'm rockin a straw-hat this summer. It will annoy many, and please me greatly.

Cobra Snake and BOY team up to make this eerily Nazi-evocative T. I likes it though, because all MEN think cobra's are badass, and love Germany.

Some interesting furniture. No reason for things to be dull.

The Hundreds are advertising their all blue sunglasses. That's the sunglasses, you can't buy the woman you idiots (course you can).

OH......MY.....GOD. Mr. Louboutin. You know I need these. Need. I am needy. For shoes. With shiny on them.

UPDATE

So Bin Laden bit the fucking dust today as a U.S. SEAL SWAT team or whatever completed their mission of finding the world's most wanted man in record time (8 years), when it is in fact least relevant. Symbolically, it doesn't surprise me they've all got a hard-on for it knowing blind American nationalism, which is usually there to distract them from how fucked their country is getting. In fact, I'm sure Obama's ratings will be at an all-time high now despite the fact yesterday they were an all-time low. They buried him at sea almost immediately which I think is highly suspicious since they put that highly erotic video of Saddam's death on YouTube so they could all jack-off to it. I get the feeling this is the end of the beginning of THE WAR ON TERROR as opposed to the beginning of the end. The world's pretty fucked, and the belated murder of a man in a remote Pakistani compound with no telephone or internet access ain't gonna bring a wave of peaceful enthusiasm. In saying that (my true feelings), congrats to the U.S. on getting another facet of revenge (in addition to the murder of millions and the eradication of law and structure in at least three states) for the legit horrors of 9/11. I love many things about the U.S, but not their politics, or the general intelligence of their populous.

I'm from the U.K, well Scotland, so sub-U.K, and I am fully aware of it's obvious flaws, and no nationalism can cover that. Conversely, I would defend Italy with passionate disregard, despite the obvious corruption that is inherent in its society. Am I a hypocrit? Sure, but I get as much pizza, ice-cream and coffee as I want.

So the Royal Wedding has been and gone. I never looked twice at K-Midd until I saw her at the wedding, at which point I realised she might be the hottest woman on the planet. Apart from the Queen, who is enticing for the wrong reasons. I also never noticed how balding Prince William is, they are an odd couple. But he is a Prince, so perhaps even I would compromise my staunch record of heterosexuality and marry the cunt. I was non-plussed about the wedding until it started to approach and enthusiasm peaked. I guess despite how pointless it is, the Royals are an institution in this country, and I do LOVE old Britain and hate what its become. Stiff upper-lip, war, hard-times and a sense of invention and exploration made this country great, but its awash now with booze, benefits, laziness and rain. The Royals are a hallmark of tradition, and so I recently decided I would vote to keep it up. However, I am still fucked off no Catholic can be a Royal or Prime Minister. Its bullshit sectarianism that is inherent in society and thus, any opinion otherwise should not be preached to the lower classes, because that's as hypocritical as I am.

A close friend of mine has decided to abandon Facebook which in this day and age is a pretty ballsy manoeuvre. I like it, I hope it is the beginning of the end. Everything on Facebook is a desperate hunt for validation and its transparency and the general public's ignorance of it confuses and annoys me. Intelligence is a burden sometimes, and in modern society someone who is truly wise cannot be totally content in my opinion. Did I mention I am on Facebook? HYPOCRIT? But serially, I do not use it in the same manner as others, and truthfully, if people used it in the manner I do and a small minority do, then it would not present the problems that forced my close amigo to delete his account.

I think I am getting quite preachy on this blog now. But why the fuck not? I am the modern archetypal genius and the general public are a collection of assholes. And that's the GENERAL CONSENSUS. The general public doesn't even like itself. How's that for a conundrum?